Imposter Syndrome

This past weekend I performed at The Peppermint Club! It was a really great show, great crowd and the band and I sounded amazing. So what’s the problem? I HATE being vulnerable online, but I thought to myself, ‘one day this is going to help a fan who finds my old blog posts pre-fame’. If that is you reading this now, hi and welcome! I hope this helps.

Imposter syndrome, what is it? According to the internet it is defined as “the condition of feeling anxious and not experiencing success internally, despite being high-performing in external, objective ways.” My version is defined as “feeling like shit even when things are going well.” I think a lot of people, especially today can relate to this feeling. Why do I bring this up after talking about what a great performance I had this past weekend? I bring it up because I had imposter syndrome all weekend long. Even on stage. Don’t get me wrong, I love being an artist and creating, but I really struggle with this way of thinking. I’m a perfectionist, I want everything to go “right” and according to plan. I want to feel good, but when I feel good I fear it’s too good to be true and I fall back into a negative space. So even when things “look” good, they don’t always “feel” good. Meaning, I could have a great show, but feel terrible through the experience of it.

This is something I’ve struggled with my whole life. As I write this, I feel a sense of freedom because I know I’m not alone and I know talking about these things helps me deal with and allows them to get better over time. Yes, some days I feel like a rockstar, but some days even when they appear great or seem amazing, I feel like a fraud. Of course I don’t want to just end this on a sad uninspiring note. I’m a musician, it’s my job to make people feel good. There is an upside to this.

Handling this issue as I have been with therapy, healthy coping mechanisms and my art, it’s allowed me to learn who I am better. It helps me understand where I’ve come from, but where I no longer have to go. I can chose to feel better and when it’s really bad I can give myself space to be in it, but know it will eventually pass. It also pushes me to be my own cheerleader and feel good in a self-sufficient way. To know I’m not a fraud, I have a purpose and a voice to help others and uplift myself in the process. So if you’r reading this and can relate, comment below and tell me your journey imposter syndrome. Community and knowing you’re not alone helps.

Thank you to The Peppermint Club, Breaking Sound and Live Nation for letting my band and I play. And thank you for taking the time to read this post. More exciting things coming very soon!

Xoxo,

Tommi Aura