My Love/Hate Relationship with Gender

I am proud to say I am openly androgynous! Wanted to start off there because I know the title is alarming. It has taken me years to come into my own and become proud of who I am. I’m really grateful to be who I am and be comfortable in my own skin. Wherever you are on your journey, you can get there too! I wanted to write this blog to highlight the things I love about being androgynous and the things I hate about it.

Let’s start off positive. I love my community. I love the people like me who are not afraid to be themselves. I find that the people in the community who are open with who they are, feel like a warm blanket after playing in the snow all day. Soothing, kind, warm. If you love yourself enough to accept yourself, you can more easily love the people around you. Even the ones who don’t understand your gender expression. I also love that I can be play into both my masculine and feminine energies. It’s kind of like a game, ‘which side of Tommi do I want to express today?” You should try this sometime, it’s really fun!

Now on to some things I hate about being androgynous. For clarity, I don’t hate being androgynous (sorry for the false advertisement). When it comes to dating, I hate that some people who don’t understand me try to put me in a box. Then I feel an immense amount of pressure to make them feel comfortable and explain everything about my gender so they get it. It’s pretty exhausting. I also hate how people assume I’m one way or another. Again another example of how I feel like I have to explain and make the other feel comfortable with who I am. And sure you could argue I should find more people in my community and just stick with them. Yes, of course. But as an artist, I want to connect to everybody, even the ones who don’t understand me fully. And I like who I like, I can’t control which community they’re in lol. The solution? I think at certain times, it’s okay to educate and correct people. If I’m constantly being put in a box by someone or misgendered, then I speak up. If after speaking up they keep going on being ignorant, then it’s time to cut them off. If I’m dating someone, I’m pretty upfront right away about who I am and if they want to keep pursuing me, that’s on them! The biggest solution is to just keep being yourself, spreading love and light and knowing the right people will come into your life through that way of living.

I’d like to end this on a positive note and say I hope you can relate and got something out of this. Don’t be afraid to be who you are, you will find your community. People are open to learning and growing and some are not. You’ll know who those people are, the ones who love and accept you. Not only do you deserve that, but in being yourself, you help others accept and love themselves through your example as well. Sending you so much love!

Xoxo,

TOMMI AURA